ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

So, the last post I wasn't happy. Compared to the train-wreck of a night I've had, Tuesday seems all happy! My life here is still unhappy. I've actually talked to a chem friend who has a house and I'm thinking of making some kind of change. I'm about to go crazy!!!!

At practice it climaxed. I got stiff-armed in the neck by Mary (Tracey's HS player that now plays for us and everyone worships the ground she walks on). 1). I don't really like Mary. She thinks she's better than most of us because she's played longer than most of the team and she's kinda rude. 2). She won't adapt to our style of playing. She refuses to use the same binds as we do in scrums and lines and won't listen to why we do what we do. 3). She offers comments all the time, which is really just a pet-peeve of mine....under the breath but making sure everyone knows what you're saying isn't cool anymore. We're in COLLEGE...GROW UP!!! So anyway, I got stiff-armed...oh well, it happens. But there were people who seemed to think it's OK to stiff-arm your own teammates and not look where you're stiff arming. That's really where I lost it. I was walking toward where we put our shoes on to get some water...and just picked up my stuff and went to my car. Well, by this time, I was really upset and was hyperventilating....thank God for Stephanie. She reminded me to breath. So, practice is still going on, and I'm leaving. By the time I get onto LaHarpe, I'm crying. Rugby has never made me cry before, atleast not when it wasn't an injury. So it made me think, do I still want to be playing? I've never been this unhappy in college or with rugby. I tried to talk myself out of it last week, but obviously that didn't work. And I just bought new cleats today...I'm hoping I didn't waste my money. I'm also still going this weeekend although we may be playing people short. But we'll have to see after that. My mom is coming up next weekend for family day, but that may be it for me. I can't take much more of this. I thought my sophomore year was crazy with babies, dogs, and crappy houses....that was a breeze comparitively.

So, this post is essentially me complaining more. I need to stop complaining, especially when my problems are small compared to those who are trying to prepare for Rita. I try not to dwell on it but it seems that I can only think of ways to break my contract here at home and how to make rugby fun again. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be really open to them.

The only good thing going on right now is school (surprisingly) and AXE. Those people are so much fun, and they don't make me feel like crap all of the time! Wow, I forgot what that felt like!! Anyway, I was elected as the Alumni Secretary for AXE because the other girl got sick. I don't really have to do much, but its fun being involved. I'm also still a Student Ambassador, which I still love! I'm also working 9 hours a week in the Graduate Office which keeps me busy. Right now I'm still working scholarship, but in a few weeks, I'll graduate to Institutional pay...lucky me $5.15/ hr! Raking in the big bucks!

I'm also going to start applying to grad schools. I want to go in Analytical Chemistry. The only sad thing for me is that all of the really good ones are in the Midwest. I had wanted to get out for a couple of years, but it seeems that Texas or North Carolina are the only interesting places I may get to go. I'll probably end up at KState or KU or Uof Ill. We'll see where I get accepted and where I get money (if I get any).

Ok, this is enough for one night. I feel much better getting all of that out of my system. I'm sorry if it brings you down. Don't worry too much...I tend to make something out of nothing. and then overreact. I hope you all are well, and I REALLY do miss you!

30 days till Alumni! :)